Central Florida University professor Costas Efthimiou has published a paper demonstrating that vampires cannot possibly exist because if they did, and fed regularly on humans (creating more of their kind in the process) the entire population would eventually become vampires and, with their food supply exhausted, die of starvation. In his model, it would only take two and a half years.
It's a neat mathematical demonstration, but I beg to point out that mathematical models rarely translate intact into the real world. Professor Efthimiou has overlooked several important variables that would affect the accuracy of his calculations.
First of all, the professor erroneously assumes that a vampire always kills his (or her) victims, which we know is not true, since one of the staples of vampire fiction is the person slinking around with a scarf to cover those tell-tale fang marks.
Second, he assumes that anyone bitten by a vampire automatically becomes one, which may or may not be true, depending on which theory and practice of vampirism holds true--in many fictional worlds, it requires rather more difficult circumstances or elaborate rituals, most commonly involving an exchange of blood rather than a mere one-way donation. In vampire fiction, once the bitten victim's plight is revealed, you often have a quest to slay the vamp responsible before the victim "turns"--why bother if the victim's death and recruitment to the undead are inevitable?
Third, he assumes that all vampires created live indefinitely to feed on the human population, when all of us know perfectly well that vampire mortality is very high, especially in those early years before they learn how to cope with their limitations and leverage their special powers. As with any species, many vampires must be created if the species is to survive. Take oysters, for example--the average oyster sheds an average of a million eggs in each spawning season--why isn't the world neck deep in oysters? Because other sea inhabitants--particularly small fish--eat the overwhelming majority before they can even begin growing a shell. (I use the oyster since, as the daughter of an oyster malacologist, I know a tad more about their reproductive cycle than I really care to know and relish the rare chance to make practical use of this knowledge.) If you consider the number of vampires who die of sunburn and garlic allergy, the number slain by rival bloodsuckers, and add in the depredations of generations of slayers like Buffy, I think you'll find the mathematical odds much more friendly to the notion that a small number of savvy, wary vampires do manage to coexist with us.
Though the professor's paper is certainly fascinating--he also has some interesting things to say about ghosts and zombies: Ghosts, Vampires and Zombies: Cinema Fiction vs Physics Reality.
Dearest Donna:
You wrote perceptively: "..why bother if the victim's death and recruitment to the undead are inevitable?"
We are then faced with a moral/ethical conundrum -- if we deprogram a vampire, are we violating the "right to choose?"
It is currently being argued in a class action suit against "Van Helsing, et al"
that so-called "curative," "defangimg" and "deprogramming" activities are nothing more than violations of the individuals right to make "informed and or consentual lifestyle decicisions."
This may be especially applicable in situations where the individual became a vampire in their own home, as a vampire may not enter a domicile uninvited. The very act of permission granting implies a willingness to interact with, and engage in social intercourse with the allowed guest in a manner consistent with the wishes of each. To argue that the recently innaugerated blood sucker was deceived or coerced is only sustainable if the so-called victim personally objects to the outcome of the interaction. If the objection is raised by family members or friends, and not the individual, then we have direct interference in "adult choices within a free society."
As there are legal precedents in this matter (see for example the law suits against so-called "cult deprogrammers") I am watching this recent class action suit with great interest.
Best,
Burl Barer
htp://www.burlbarer.net
Posted by: Burl Barer | November 05, 2006 at 03:16 PM