Apologies, would-be Facebook friends

Shortly after 2 p.m. today, a friend sent me an invitation to Facebook.  I don't presently have a Facebook page.  I haven't yet had the time to figure out what, if anything, I need Facebook for. So I did the same thing I've done with previous Facebook invitations: filed it in a folder so if I ever do get a Facebook page, I can befriend these folks immediately.

But before I even read the invitation--it came in while I was out at a library event, and then dinner--I got eleven notifications that other folks had added me as a friend on Facebook.  Neat trick, since I'm still not on Facebook.  I checked with a few of the friends, and found out that they got an email saying that the original friend "recently became friends with Donna Andrews and thinks you may know Donna too."

Recently became friends? Hell, we've been friends for years.  Just not on Facebook.

So apologies, would-be Facebook friends. I'm not spurning your invitation to exchange public declarations of friendship.  I'm not ignoring you.  We're still friends, I hope, and can have a drink together at the next mystery convention.

But for now, your kindness in adding me to your roster of Facebook friends will, alas, remain unrequited. Because on top of not really knowing what Facebook could do for me, I'm also feeling a little peeved that Facebook may be using what I consider deceptive practices in its attempt to increase membership.

No offense to anyone who loves Facebook. Your mileage may vary.  And I'm not saying I'll never join. Just that now it's going to be a little harder to convince me that it's worthwhile.

Comments

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Yes, that's pretty sneaky, I thought. Or, clever. Or good marketing. Or something.
It's difficult to resist when someone says: you're invited ,and here are all your friends waiting for you!

So, I'll still consider you a friend, and in fact, such a good friend that if there's anything hap'nin on Facebook you need to know, I'll come here and tell you!

xoxo Hank

[Alicia]

I am a new Facebooker and enjoy it when I want to stay in contact with distant friends but the down side is all of your friends can see everything you post so I am not sure the loss of privacy is all that worth it. You just might want to keep that in mind before you join.

[Shawn]

I started blogging about a year and a half ago. I signed up on Facebook last month because a friend invited me. Honestly, I don't much like Facebook. It's really busy and really fast, and I don't understand all those odd little "games" and "gifts" and things. I've had complete strangers ask to be a facebook "friend" just because we have someone else in common. Why would you care what a complete stranger is doing just because you know someone they know?

I'm going to have to find time to wade through the dozens of invitations to participate in strange stuff. I wish Facebook had an option of "tell me what this is about" in addition to "accept" and "ignore". I hate feeling like I'm being rude when I click the "ignore" button.

I kinda regret signing up. I like having access to distant friends, and that's all that's really keeping me active there.

On a much happier note, I loved your latest Meg book, Six Geese a Slaying! (I've loved all of them actually.) Can't wait for the next one.

[JoTee]

Not a big fan of Facebook, nor is it one of my favorite places to be, however I get to stay in touch with "family, friends, & meet a few new folks". I don't much care for the frilly, silly things that are there, so I avoid them, however I do enjoy the word games & viewing photo's of family & friends.
Must admit that I click ignore when someone invites me for anything, trust me those who send them are not sure how there sending them, some of course do.
The younger crowd seem to really enjoy Facebook.
Those are my personal thought on Facebook, people can live without it. :-)

[Colleen Holt]

Hi, Donna,

I admit I'm addicted to Facebook. I've found so many old friends on there (going back to childhood), and it's a great way to have more constant contact with folks who are far away. Right now it's not working for me, and I miss it terribly. I admit I've looked for you on there--thought for sure you would be--but understand if you don't want to. It certainly can be a time suck. Check with Marcia Talley, Laura Lippman, Maria Lima and others, and see what they think, pros and cons. I think it's a nifty little tool, and you certainly don't have to accept any of the crap (I hate most of the little "gifties" that are given), or friendship requests, if you don't want to.

Hope you are well! It's good to find you here.

All the best,
Colleen Holt

[Lysandwr McNary (SPC, USAR)]

Hola, Ms. Andrews!

I've been reading your Meg books since I tripped over one in an MWR (Morale Welfare and Recreation) reading room in Baghdad in 2005....great fun and a great escape for me then :)

Anyway, the Facebook scenario you describe could only have happened with an actual account involved. Since there are numerous Donna Andrews listed on Facebook, likely someone thinking it was you (sometimes there is NO information to help discern "who's who", some people want their privacy) sent a Friend request to a newly created Donna Andrews account...the person on the other end accepted for whatever reason...and the original Friend requester was given a pop up box asking them to recommend Friends for this new individual.

That *is* sneaky, but not quite as invidious as it sounds; in theory if someone knows you well enough they will honestly only recommend folks you would want on your friend list.

I have a policy of only accepting Friend requests from people I've met or talked to in RL. Facebook has been an amazingly effective tool at reconnecting with people, and I really can keep it as private as I want by and large. It isn't perfect, but it is vastly superior to MySpace and has a lot of possibilities for those in the creative arts.

Perhaps you should have a "page" rather than a regular account (for you are what Facebook would consider a celebrity, and certainly have fans!). It would be another way to make information available for interested parties, and even help fans find each other for discussion, et cetera if so inclined. I know I would tick the "fan of" box if you popped up with a Donna Andrews page!

Anyway, I'll stop. Just wanted to say thanks...after years of managing a science fiction/fantasy/comic book and gaming store...years of working in the distribution and publishing end of books (small presses)..I'm a very picky reader. Your books were a definite treasure when I was far from home!

Cheers,
Lysandwr McNary

[L]

Since I cannot go back and edit the above post, here is an addendum:

Due to Facebook's recent policy and format chaos, I must rescind my recommendation. It is quickly becoming a cluttered version of Twitter, with more adverts. The amount of time many of us (self and friends) spend on there has decreased drastically. So...you saved yourself time and trouble there, all around.

v/r
Lysandwr

[trek]

Yet another reason why I shall never join Facebook...

[Cathy]

I am enjoying your Meg series and loved your comments on Facebook (above). I too have a blog (for my quilt & fiber art, and general rambles) and joined Facebook (after a few invites), but have been ignoring both lately -- preferring to read the many good books waiting for me instead!